Heather & Dan

Heather and Dan welcomed their son into their family through Adoption Matters when he was 16 months old. They are a blended family: Heather has two teenage daughters, and Dan has played a significant role in their lives.

They began exploring adoption after realising that growing their family biologically wasn’t the right path for them. Heather comments:

“When Dan and I got together, my girls were three and seven and he was very involved and is very involved in their lives as a parent figure. But he’s not their Dad, they’ve got a Dad, and he’s very involved in their lives too.

I always knew that I didn’t want to have any more birth children, Dan wouldn’t have been able to have children without IVF anyway due to his Cystic Fibrosis.

Dan is amazing with the girls and it just felt right for us to explore adoption as we knew so many children were waiting for a family” .

The idea of adoption emerged naturally through their conversations. Dan was a significant role in Heather’s daughters’ lives, but as they already had an involved father, it was this experience of helping to raise them that made Dan realise he wanted to be a parent himself.

Once they decided to look into adoption, they did lots of research and they also spoke to friends and neighbours who had adopted. Initially, the couple worried that certain factors could prevent them from adopting. This included Dan’s medical history, their ‘mad’ dog who is lovely, but a bit reactive and them both working full time busy jobs. However, once they began the process, they discovered that

“All the things that we thought might have been blockers were just not a problem at all”.

Choosing Adoption Matters

Dan took the lead in researching adoption agencies as “he’s the one good at admin!” and quickly identified Adoption Matters as the right fit. The couple were drawn to the level of support offered, feeling it would be a more positive experience than going through a local authority. Heather shared “we liked the ongoing support offered by Adoption Matters and that it was there even before a child is placed” and that this proved true throughout their journey.

Their sons early experience within the care system had been difficult, with delays, moves and instability before he was matched.

Despite this, the support Heather and Dan received from Adoption Matters helped them navigate the process smoothly.

Meeting their son

Their son came home at 16 months old. Despite being experienced parents, they still felt like “we were looking after someone else’s child” being nervous at first – then things just fell into place naturally.

Although he settled well on the surface, Heather later realised it took around six to nine months for him to feel fully secure, which is hugely common with children who have experienced early trauma and moves from primary carers.

“He always seemed settled soon after moving in, but after around 6-9 months, he really came into his own, he became more affectionate, loving life and just being the lovely boy he is today.

Dan loves the outdoors and we are lucky to have lots of outdoor space at home, and he just loves it. He is happiest when he is outside, barefoot running in the grass, or playing on his tractor, it’s so wonderful that him and Dan share the love of nature together.”

When their son arrived, he had some early development delays – but he quickly began to thrive in his new environment. With space to explore outdoors and a family who encouraged his interests, he made rapid progress.

“We are prepared he may need extra support but we’re here for him and we will ensure he gets support in school when he starts if he needs it”.

Impact on Family Life

Adoption has transformed family life in so many positive ways. Heather’s daughters embraced their new little brother, each forming a unique bond with him. Their eldest became a nurturing, maternal figure, while their younger daughter developed a more typical sibling relationship—full of play, affection, and occasional disagreements.

Heather reflected that their son had ‘brought them back in’ to family life during a stage when teenagers often want to retreat to their bedrooms.

“They now want to play with him as soon as they are home from school and want to eat as a family at mealtimes, help with bath and bedtime routines, it’s lovely to see the positive impact he has had on them.

For Heather and Dan, welcoming their son into their family only strengthened their partnership. They shared parental leave, with Dan taking the first six months—something that helped their son form a strong attachment to him. Heather described him as “such a Daddy’s boy” and appreciated the balance this brought to their family dynamic.

“We both work full time busy jobs, as many parents do, but parenting has always been a partnership with us. Our girls Dad is a big part of their lives as is Dan, but it’s nice that our son has such a strong attachment to Dan too”.

Heather is keen to raise awareness that working parents can adopt and not rule themselves out as they nearly did in the early days. Support networks and flexibility will all be discussed during the adoption assessment.

Navigating Challenges

Like many adoptive families, Heather and Dan encountered challenges along the way. Their sons transition into settling in nursery was one. Although thriving at home, he became withdrawn in the nursery environment.

With support from Adoption Matters Centre for Fostering & Adoption Support, the nursery received training on trauma-informed approaches. This helped them understand his behaviour as a trauma response rather than what they thought to be developmental delay. Over time, he has begun to settle and progress well and enjoy his time there.

“He also spends time during the week with his Grandma, whom he absolutely adores — and the feeling is mutual. Welcoming her grandson into her life has been one of the greatest joys”.

Another meaningful aspect of their sons journey has been building relationships with two of his siblings, who were also adopted. Heather and Dan were connected with the two other adoptive families, and they now meet regularly for play dates and catch ups. Heather described the experience as

“It’s so nice having that extra little family and its just lovely to see how alike they are. It’s great to share experiences, advice and support with the other adoptive parents too”

Heather and Dan value the support and shared understanding this direct contact brings as well as providing their son with what they hope are lifelong links to his siblings.

“Our sons adoption is a very important part of his life story, and we’ll always talk openly and honestly with him about his history. But we never want it to be the thing that defines him. We’d much rather people see him for who he is first — a little boy who loves tractors, adores his siblings, and runs as fast as the wind — and who also happens to be adopted”.

Looking Back

Two years after welcoming their son into their family, Heather reflects on how far he has come—and how much joy he has brought to their family. He has now been part of their family longer than he was in foster care, a milestone Heather described as

“a nice place to be, for him and for our family”.

Advice for others considering adoption?

Heather shares:

“Do your research and talk to people whom you may know have adopted if you can, it’s surprising when you do talk about it just how many people in your lives have a friend or family member with experience.

“Be prepared for the process – it’s a long process to adopt. Some of it is uncomfortable as Dan doesn’t really love talking about his feelings. You just have to know it’s part of the process and understand why it’s important that it is part of the process. You have to get this right for the children. So you just have to suck it up really and get on with it!! But just be aware that it’s a long journey and it’s admin heavy and it’ll take time, but it’s all for the right reasons. Thankfully, Dan is good at admin so he took a bit of a lead role on that side.

Heather and Dan with their son, on their wedding day in 2026

“Also, just be really honest. When our social worker discussed with us about what age, sex and other considerations such as additional needs of our future child. You kind of think you should just say, oh, anything, anything, I don’t mind. And actually that wasn’t true because we really wanted a boy and we probably wanted a younger child, as we know that is what would work with our family dynamic. So, you really just have to be honest.

Everyone always says to us ‘oh, you’re so amazing that you’ve adopted, you are such wonderful people’. We’re not amazing people, he’s brought more to us than we brought to him, 100%.

 To find out more about adopting, download our adoption information pack.